Sometimes There is No Way To Make It Cool

Lets face it, no matter how hard you try, there are just some things that are not cool. No matter how hard you try you're just gonna look like a fool....

The mini van plays a very functional purpose. It is known as the "mom mobile" for a reason. It's perfect for those large families, when it is important to keep the kids away from each other. You can fit plenty of your crap in it. But, there aren't many things you can do that make your mini van cool. Adding a spoiler or flame decals to your mini van makes you look desperate, not cool. When a trucker pulls up next to a mini, he expects to look down and see a hot mom, not some guy sporting flame decals. If you're gonna drive a mini, just suck it up. If you want to look cool, try an SUV.

The mullet was somewhat in, in the south back when Billy Ray Cyrus was singing to your Achy Breaky Heart.... Billy is all grown up with a teenage daughter dancing on a pole. Think it's time you grow up too? Bald guys with what my nephews refer to as a skullet look even worse. Everyone with a skullet looks like the comedian Gallagher. You can dye it, put it in a pony tail, let it flow over your shoulders. No matter how you do it, you still ain't scorin any chicks.

I am not a small guy and I understand there are certain items of clothing I should NEVER wear. Top of the list is Spandex. If you are pleasantly pump, if you go to the zoo and elephants offer you peanuts....(Back To School reference anyone?)..... Spandex are not for you. Matter of fact, I don't think Spandex looks good on any guys, but those of us with extra baggage... need something more...um baggy.

I am a huge sports fan, some may say I am obsessed at times. I have been to football games in a snow storm. I have never felt the need to take my shirt off and paint my chest in the middle of a blizzard in January. My friend, it doesn't make you cool. The only thing that will come out of that is a trip to the hospital with pneumonia. Even the hot nurses at the hospital are gonna think your an idiot. You want to be cool, put your shirt and jacket on and do a dance that gets you on TV. For the love of pete, just cover up...

I guess the one thing these folks do, is give us someone to mock. It still doesn't make you cool, but maybe it gives you some value in life.

The Beginning of Who Knows What

Lady and Gentleman.... I am hoping there will be at least one of each reading this first post. I welcome you to my new blog. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. Whatever it is, I hope it comes out funny (most of the time).


I'm not a professional writer, probably couldn't sculpt a story if my life depended on it. I enjoy telling stories, make mindless observations and encourage thought (which I hope will be funny - most of the time). My goal here today is to set expectations low. If I meet them, nobody is disappointed. If I exceed, I will be shocked as hell....


So with that said, what can you expect? I intend to tell some stories, some new, some old, some you may have heard (over and over again). I'll make observations from my commute, my job, parenthood, wandering around NYC, really anything that comes to mind. In addition, you can expect spelling/grammatical errors, punctuation errors and just general incoherentness (is that even a word???). We may even have some guest bloggers. I figure if I can find some people less coherent than I am, it might make me look better (you know who you are). As I said before, I have no idea where this is going.


Anyway, I believe there is a link on this page somewhere for you to follow this blog. It will probably send you an email or some sort of notification when I enter a post. I really have no idea. I'm just hopeful you come along for the ride. If you have any comments, suggestions or anything interesting to say, feel free to post a comment. I may read it, I may not, but at least you'll get it off you chest.


Let this ill advised journey begin.......................